Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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