Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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