Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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