Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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