sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
