so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
These tits shall not be calmed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
