that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
