So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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