that's an acceptable place to lick
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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