You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
