Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
