Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
