She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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