your parents love me but you hate me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
