I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
