Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
