he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
