I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
