I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
