As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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