do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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