I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
