You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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