The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
