i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
