My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
