Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
