I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
