when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
