yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
