apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
