I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
