Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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