Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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