The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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