Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
