haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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