STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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