If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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