I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
