i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
worst night to have a conscience
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
