i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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