Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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