he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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