My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
