I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
