i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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