i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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