girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
