you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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