I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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