We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
