shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just forgot I was standing up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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