she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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