Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
this will be a night to untag.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
