So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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