you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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