what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
