how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
