What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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