I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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