Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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