Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
