As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it penis luge time yet?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
