Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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