He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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