I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
