I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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