Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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