The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
