My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
