I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Randomize
