Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
