you traded sex for a burrito?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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