Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
