Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You ruined the universe
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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