she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.