he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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