You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!