I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
