last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
