I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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