lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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