Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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