I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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