There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
