well I can't set my house on fire every night
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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